Wally and Dick's Text Messages
by Redhead98
Summary: What do texts between Wally and Dick look like? Funny, No slash, Rated T for safety
1. Chapter 1

Texts between Dick and Wally were always a bit random. Neither thought much of it, not really. Both had eventually come to the habit of just texting a stray thought to the other one, not really minding if there was a response or not. They knew when the other was using sarcasm, being totally serious, extremely busy...needing a few reassuring words. There was never any doubt.

Well, unless you involved autocorrect.  
>Or if Wally accidentally switched his phone to some foreign language.<br>Of course there are incidents; you gotta make room for a few exceptions.

(D is of course Dick, W is Wally, and "Break" means a new conversation. These are all just random.)

_D - you bringing food tonight_

_W - ya b there in 10 min getting some hickey_

_D - ..._

_W - I WROTE CHICKEN **** YOU AUTOCORRECT_

Break

_W - dude what does it mean to ship a couple what the heck_

_D - *sends drawing of a couple tied together with panicked eyes in a box with the UPS logo on it*_

_W - funny._

_D - i am_

_W - apparently means a couple you support in a fandom or whatever_

_D - guess it takes an iceberg to break it up_

_W - ..._

_W - you didnt just do that_

_D - *sends picture of cat wearing shades with the caption 'LIKE A BOSS' *_

Break

_W - dude why are there no real vampires today_

_D - all killed themselves after reading Twilight_

_W - oh_

Break

_W - you free today_

_D - dang right I am *sends photo shopped picture of himself standing in front of American Flag with fireworks and a Bald Eagle*_

Break

_W - im exhausted_

_W- and bruised_

_W - and sore_

_W - and hungry_

_D - well quit bothering Artemis and your problem is solved_

Break

_W- so i have cheese but no crackers_

_D - sounds like youre cracka-lackin_

Break

_W - ran into a tree_

_D - LOL_

_D - U okay_

_D - or I should say oaky_

_D - haha_

_D - sorry_

_D - hey_

_D - dude you alright_

**This is fun...I might have enough in me for a few more chapters! Just say the word, and I'll get writing some more ;)**

**Hope ya like it **

**:)**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 of Wally and Dick's texts to each other...

_W - who is this someone changed all my contacts to Unknown_  
><em>D - THIS IS PATRICK<em>

Break

_W - hey I have a plan_  
><em>D - (p+l)(a+n)=pa+pn+la+ln I just foiled your plan<em>  
><em>W - dude get out<em>

Break

_W - so lemme get this straight_  
><em>D - what<em>  
><em>W - Rebecca black is kickin in the front seat AND sitting in the back seat?<em>  
><em>D - ya, but the real problem is what seat should she take<em>  
><em>W - huh.<em>

Break

_W - So when we gonna get down?_  
><em>D - Friday.<em>  
><em>D - we get down on Friday.<em>

Break

_D - okay so imagine Artemis._  
><em>W - kay...<em>  
><em>D - all done up and looking amazing.<em>  
><em>W - kay...<em>  
><em>D - going on an undercover mission...<em>  
><em>W - right...<em>  
><em>D - you walk up to her.<em>  
><em>W - okay.<em>  
><em>D - and she snarls out, 'I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven't slept all night, I'm starved, and I am armed, don't, MESS with me.<em>  
><em>W - DUDE<em>

Break

_W - Just Dance 4. my place. tonight. 7:30._  
><em>D - the roof is not my son, but I will raise it.<em>

Break

_D - i have a headache_  
><em>W - Voldemort must be close<em>  
><em>D - shut up<em>  
><em>W - you mean silencio<em>

Break

_W - what does water taste like_  
><em>D - I'll tell you if you describe to me a color that doesn't exist<em>  
><em>W - ...<em>  
><em>W - touche<em>

Break

_W - I should be ashamed of myself_  
><em>D - you really should<em>  
><em>D - you're not though.<em>  
><em>W - nope.<em> 

**Hope you liked the second chapter! If you did, I'll post a third...**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 revealed!

_D - if you are ever at a loss of what to say just look at the person say 'so - it has come to this'_  
><em>W - brb<em>  
><em>W - just got slapped by Artemis<em>  
><em>D - ya, thats the one person you DON'T say it to.<em>

Break

_W - what r you doing_  
><em>D - stealing everyone's left shoe<em>  
><em>W - ok<em>

Break

_W - dude there a llama in the middle of road what do I do_  
><em>D - A LLAMA!? HES SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!<em>

Break

_W - no is too serious, nope is to casual, nah is just right_  
><em>D - 'did you kill this man?' 'nah.'<em>

Break

_W - little old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs arent fooling me_  
><em>D - retired mermaids.<em>

Break

_W - what are you doing_  
><em>W - im bored<em>  
><em>D - English homework<em>  
><em>W - lol<em>  
><em>W - remember, i before e….except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbor<em>  
><em>D - go run off a cliff<em>

Break

_D - I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room and think 'I'd tap that'_  
><em>W - how much pain meds are you on<em> right now

Break

_W - dude so do you think heroines are on tampon boxes or just spongebob_  
><em>D - subject change NOW<em>  
><em>D - I disown you as best friend after that<em>

Break

_D - so what are you doing_  
><em>W - at library by my house, stupid research project<em>  
><em>D - He's at the library by his house.<em>  
><em>W - ?<em>  
><em>W - what?<em>  
><em>W - wait who are you texting<em>  
><em>W - hey<em>  
><em>W - HEY<em>  
><em>W - ANSWER YOUR PHONE<em>

**thanks for the reviews guys, hope you enjoyed this chapter! I assume you want me to keep going with this? ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

Dun dun dun duuunnnnnnn...Chapter 4:

_W - just bought a million candy bars from gas station and lady asks if I'm gonna buy all of these_  
><em>D - and?<em>  
><em>W - I told her 'no, I'm stealing them and wanted to show you first'<em>  
><em>W - glad looks can't kill<em>  
><em>D - bet she flipped you off though<em>  
><em>W - well ya<em>

Break

_D - Bet you can't say 'good eye might' without sounding australian_  
><em>W - ... apparently not.<em>  
><em>D - congratulations you now speak australian<em>

Break

_D - rearrange the letters in 'eleven plus two'_  
><em>D - you get 'twelve plus one'<em>  
><em>W - stop youre hurting my head<em>

Break

_D - hey lets drop your stds off at your house then head to the cave_  
><em>W - ...<em>  
><em>D - hurry up<em>  
><em>W - dude read your text<em>  
><em>D - I MEANT STUFF<em>

Break

_D - just put a spider on babs' head_  
><em>D - can you say deadman in 20 seconds<em>  
><em>D - if you don't hear from me in 2 hours my body is either in a river or I'm being tortured in a locked room forced to listen to Justin beiber<em>  
><em>W - And so on this day a dear friend was lost<em>

Break

_D - I have an army_  
><em>W - I have a Hulk<em>  
><em>D - I have fiery redheaded female friend with an irish temper<em>  
><em>W - I have a female archer with a bad attitude<em>  
><em>D - Ya well I have a jar of dirt<em>  
><em>W - ...<em>

Break

_W - I'm bringing sexy back_  
><em>D - youre the reason it left in the first place<em>

Break

_W - you're as cool as the people you hang out with_  
><em>D - you're welcome<em> 

**Well this is getting interesting...lets - keep - going!**


	5. Chapter 5

I present to you...Chapter 5!

_W - Hola as_  
><em>D - ...<em>  
><em>W - Hook llammas<em>  
><em>D - ?<em>  
><em>W - I WAS TRYING TO TYPE ALOHA<em>  
><em>D - oh<em>  
><em>W - anyway HIV<em>  
><em>D - um<em>  
><em>W - dang this phone to the Tartarus...I was typing HI<em>

Break

_W - so how was the English test_  
><em>D - horrible<em>  
><em>W - lol<em>  
><em>D - i hope you step on a lego<em>

Break

_D - youre late_  
><em>W - got held up<em>  
><em>W - I cant help it that im so popular<em>  
><em>D - u did not just quote mean girls<em>

Break -

_D - yar i just met you_  
><em>W - and i be crazy<em>  
><em>D - but im your captain<em>  
><em>W - so call me matey<em>  
><em>D - ...we shall not speak of this<em>  
><em>W - agreed<em>

Break

_W - my grade just went from an A to a D_  
><em>D - how does that even happen?!<em>  
><em>W - ...actually it happens to a lot of girls in 9th grade<em>  
><em>D - -.-<em>  
><em>W - lol<em>  
><em>D - i need to find new friends<em>

Break

_W - what if I'm sexy and I don't know it_  
><em>D - you've got nothing to worry about<em>  
><em>W - youre just jealous<em>

Break

_D - call me now some serious school drama just went down._  
><em>W - im yelling timber.<em>

Break

_D - great. the one time I need to go to walmart and I can't. this is all your fault._  
><em>W - youre one to talk.<em>  
><em>D - i wasn't even TRYING to cause trouble, but lo and behold, guess what happens. your fault.<em>  
><em>W - YOURE the one who touched the inflatable raft on display<em>  
><em>D - you pushed me out of the way to hit on a girl!<em>  
><em>W - I told you not to press the button! And what did you do? you pressed it.<em>  
><em>D - I FELL ON IT WHEN YOU SHOVED ME OUT OF THE WAY<em>  
><em>W - well someones in a bad mood.<em>

**Well...keep an eye out for chapter 6 ;)**


	6. Chapter 6

Welcome to Chapter 6, please fasten your seatbelts and keep arms and legs inside at all times:

_D - in detention_  
><em>W - rough dude<em>  
><em>D - saaaaave me, this is all your fault<em>  
><em>W - what ya get nailed for<em>  
><em>D - you changed my ringtone to a VERY inappropriate song and it went off in class!<em>  
><em>W - ... lol <em>  
><em>D - shut up<em>

Break

_W - so like what if Batman and Superman fist bumped_  
><em>D - the world would come to a screeching halt and time would stop<em>

Break

_W - someone changed my contact names again who is this_  
><em>D - I am the Doctor.<em>

Break

_W - I'm bored_  
><em>D - leave Artemis alone<em>

Break

_D - my place, Saturday, 8 pm, karaoke night._  
><em>W - you're on.<em>

Break

_D - where are you?_  
><em>W - Happy Harbor mall. M'gann brought everyone. in some bath and body works store.<em>  
><em>W - what the heck is eucalyptus<em>  
><em>W - this face moisturizer smells like lima beans<em>  
><em>W - what does wood even smell like.<em>  
><em>W - this is a bunch of crap I'm heading to the cave<em>  
><em>D - koalas like eucalyptus<em>  
><em>D - some koalas are evil<em>  
><em>D - see you at the cave<em>

Break

_D - change is hard._  
><em>W - how come<em>  
><em>D - have you ever tried to bend a coin?<em>

Break

_W - why did you tell m'gann that bogus story about me and some stop sign_  
><em>D - they all run together which story do you mean again?<em>  
><em>W - you're just making these up as you go along aren't you.<em>  
><em>D - yep. but I do it brilliantly.<em>

Break

_W - can I borrow your Xbox_  
><em>D - to quote Hamlet, Act 3 Scene 3 line 87: "No!"<em>

Break

_W - i have an idea_  
><em>D - is it illegal<em>  
><em>W - ...maybe<em>  
><em>D - call me.<em>  
><em>D - okay we'll try it<em>  
><em>D - just remember if we're caught your deaf and I don't speak English<em>  
><em>W - shouldn't be that hard for you to pull off<em>  
><em>D - shut and and meet me there in 5<em> 

**Onward and forward to Chapter 7! Can I get a booyah?!**


	7. Chapter 7

Okay Chapter 7: Readysetgo!

_W - look to your left_  
><em>D - ?<em>  
><em>W - the table in the corner to your left, by the fake plant.<em>  
><em>D - the girl? ya I mean she beautiful<em>  
><em>W - beautiful? more like super mega foxy awesome hot<em>

Break

_W - how do I explain LOTR to a friend_  
><em>D - "Give me the ring!" "No!"<em>

Break

_W - dude i have something extremely unimportant to tell you asap call me!_  
><em>D - Wally you are DOWN THE HALLWAY<em>

Break

_W - crazy people don't know theyre crazy, I know I am crazy, therefore, I am not crazy, isn't that crazy._  
><em>D - madness in its purest form<em>

Break

_D - why are you late? Youre the FASTEST BOY ALIVE_  
><em>W - got a bloody nose.<em>  
><em>D - really? how?<em>  
><em>W - tried to jerk the blanket up real hard, hand flew up and ended up punching myself in nose.<em>  
><em>D - LOL well come over anyway<em>

Break

_W - whats the difference between a cat and a comma_  
><em>D - no<em>  
><em>W - one has claws at the end of its paws<em>  
><em>D - not again<em>  
><em>W - and one pas a pause at the end of a clause XD<em>  
><em>D - why do you make me suffer<em>

Break

_W - just saw this redhead kid._

_D - ya?_

_W - told him I was him from the future. know what he asks?_

_D - what?_

_W - if he has a girlfriend_

_D - HAHA did you tell him the truth_

_W - shut it._

Break

_W - you know how you always carry that weird chalk around_

_D - ya_

_W - well next time you get into an elevator, use it to draw a box around where you are standing and tell whoever is there that it is your personal space_

_D - heading towards the nearest elevator right now._

_W - and to think people wonder why we are friends._

Break

_W - just went into a mall and shouted 'hey pervert!'_

_D - ... you didn't_

_W - 5 people turned around._

Break

_D - MMMMMM Alfred's cookies yum_

_W - you're planning on sharing those right_

_D - uh, no habla ingles_

Break

_W - heard the Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like OMg_

_D - nerd_

Break

_W - today sucked_

_D - well on the bright side of things you don't look like you did in 6th grade_

_W - ...guess thats one way of looking at it._

Break

_D - just baked iphone cookies_  
><em>W - why<em>  
><em>D - text Roy to meet us with his car we're trolling the police<em>  
><em>W - I see where this is going. meet you in Star<em>

Break

_W - dude I can't find my phone and am soo late for class!_  
><em>D - ...<em>  
><em>W - call it would you? so so late<em>  
><em>D - sure Wally, just let me find mine too then will call yours.<em>  
><em>W - aw no way you lost yours too?! now what?<em>  
><em>D - well I guess you could just call it from your home line.<em>  
><em>W - but i don't know my number!<em>  
><em>D - ... or<em>  
><em>D - maybe...<em>  
><em>W - WHAT?!<em>  
><em>D - you use your phone you are TEXTING ME ON right now.<em>  
><em>W - ...<em>  
><em>W - ****<em>

**This was the last chapter of this series...7 chapters...and there were 7 horcruxes; well shoot. I promise these aren't horcruxes :) **

**thanks for all the reviews, its a lot of fun to hear what you have to say :D and since you guys gave me a 'booyah' in the last chapter, I made this one extra long XD  
><strong>

**So...see you in the next fic, its gonna be a good one!  
><strong>


End file.
